Words from an Expert

In April, I blogged about the evaluation Jeff Gerke performed on the
first 50 pages of my novel. For review, I covered the top three no-
no's in my manuscript: too much telling, unbelievable plot points,
and an unsympathetic protagonist. At the end of that post, I promised
to include more of Master Gerke's advice in a later post. This would
be it.

#4. I had too many redundancies: overuse of distinctive words,
descriptions of clothing, and the protagonist's immediate goals
seemed to jump off too many pages. Mr. Gerke said this is a simple
fix: ask a friend to read it and cross them all out. This one caught
my funny bone. I didn't realize I had pet words that I used over and
over again, but they stuck out horribly when I knew what to look for.

On a side note, another editor pointed out something interesting when
he read my prologue aloud to a room full of aspiring authors: I used
a word that he'd never heard before (that word being "detritus") and
he cautioned that using unfamiliar words will make a reader wary of
continuing. I have a hard time with this piece of advice. I like to use the word that fits best. I really meant "detritus" when I wrote
it, and finding a simpler word grates on me. So, do I use an eighth
grade vocabulary to make my manuscript appeal to the masses, or do I use the word I want to use and force the reader to pick up a
dictionary if he doesn't know the word? I haven't found an answer to
this question yet. Enlighten me, if you have an idea.

#5. I didn't use my protagonist's name often enough (it's written in
first person), and Mr. Gerke couldn't remember the protagonist's
name. Again, this was an easy fix: have other characters use Alex's
name in dialogue.

#6. My story has italics in the text, and Mr. Gerke found it
confusing. Granted, I didn't get to explain to him that all the text
in italics was either internal monologue or prayer. But I won't get
to explain that to the reader, either. Mr. Gerke's advice was to
eliminate the italics altogether. If the reader can't figure out
which bits are interior monologue, then I need to re-write those
portions. Likewise, prayers should be obvious. (Note: I had too much
interior monologue, and eliminating most of it helped the story a ton.)

#7. This next comment, I'll admit, shook me up a bunch. Mr. Gerke
said my protagonist's actions "don't feel like your typical male
warrior. They feel more like a woman's version of a male warrior." In
all fairness, I am a female writing a male protagonist in first
person. It's tough. But I've got an excellent research source: a
husband. I freely admit, I've asked him questions like this: "If you
were 18 years old and had to leave your aged parents, possibly
forever, how would you react?" My husband was extremely gracious to
answer all my questions (I asked a TON, so I could avoid the whole
female-writing-as-a-male problem), and I didn't hesitate to use his
answers in my text.

Here's the problem: some men react differently than other men to the
exact same circumstance. In my story, Alex cried for a moment or two
when he gave his elderly mother that final hug good-bye. I've seen
grown men cry before, and hug their mommas, and say "I love you."
It happens. Does it make them less manly? Probably not. On the other
hand, my protagonist isn't a liberated twenty-first century male.
He's living in a medieval society. Was it manly for warriors to cry
back then, when men didn't display a "weakness" like tears? Maybe.
Maybe not.

I genuinely respect Mr. Gerke's advice, but I think this is a problem
I cannot fix. Some readers will think that Alex's tears, at that
moment, were genuine and realistic and touching. Others will think it
too feminine for a Hulk-sized warrior and wonder why a female author
tried to write "male" in first person prose. I simply can't please
all the readers all the time. (In my own defense, I did not have Alex
cry when he was wounded in battle. That should count for something.)

#8. I had too much back-story, which ties in to the problem of too
much telling. Mr. Gerke's advice was to cut way back on these
"history lessons." The reader doesn't care. Back-story takes the
reader out of the story, which is exactly where the reader WANTS to
be, and if I tick the reader off too many times, he'll toss the book
aside and reach for the tv remote. Back-story is important to me,
because I've got to know character motivations and political
histories, etc, but the reader isn't interested in most of this. I
should only include those bits that are necessary for understanding
the plot, and leave the rest in my research notebook.

That's most of the wisdom I sucked out of the evaluation. It hurt
when I first read it (he tore my baby apart!) but after that initial
reaction, I realized the validity of every comment. And now that I've
implemented those fixes, my manuscript is much stronger. I owe a big
thank-you to Jeff Gerke from WhereTheMapEnds for his time and wise
words. Or maybe he'd appreciate my home-made cinnamon bread. I'm
pretty sure he enjoyed the cash I sent.

-Sonja

The Problem of Wealth

I knew I hadn't posted in awhile, but I didn't realize just HOW long
it'd been... a thousand pardons to my two loyal readers!

Actually, it's not just this blog that's been neglected. In the last
few months, I've only worked on my novel twice. They were highly
productive sessions, about two hours each, and I managed to finish
the work. Yippee for me. But I could have done so much more with my
time, and I find myself wondering: just what did I do in May, if I
didn't do any writing?

Laziness is an awesome excuse, but in reality, I've been working on
my house. Home improvement projects, cleaning projects, reduce-reuse- recycle projects, that sort of thing. There's just so much work to do and I'd rather poke at my eye with a dull pencil than clean, but it's
gotten out of hand. I keep wondering if all my sci-fi dreams will
come true: the house becomes sentient, shakes off all the grime and
clutter, and lumbers off into the sunset in search of more worthy
tenants.

My biggest problem is wealth. We're not rich - maybe middle class
fits us better. Captain Tech (aka "my husband") makes a good living
as a crime analyst, and we're spectacularly good at spending that
cash. On stuff. That doesn't have a place to live in our huge house
that's already stuffed. So it sits out on dustable surfaces or gets
stacked on the floor or shoved under the bed or crammed into a closet
or hung on the already-full walls... and I look at all this mess and
I don't want to dust it and I'm tired of tripping over it and it's
time to get rid of some of it.

I started in the kitchen, since I'm trying to remodel that room.
Contractors are coming in July to replace my countertops. And I
realized that I'd be embarrassed to have strangers see my messy,
cluttered house. So I got rid of extraneous dishes, appliances, and
fancy serving bowls I've never used. I scrubbed every surface I could
get to with a rag. I touched up the paint on the walls. I even moved
the refrigerator and cleaned behind it! And it felt so good to look
at my outdated kitchen and be proud that it was clean and well-
organized, even if it was 70's orange and dark brown. Truly hideous.
But orderly.

I've moved on to other rooms, de-cluttering and cleaning, but it's
going to be a LONG process, and I can't neglect my writing while I
take on other projects. I've got to find a compromise. I'm hoping to
set aside two hours a day for writing (I've heard that advice from
someone famous, I'm sure) so that I don't find myself in this
situation again. Being away from my novels for so long, it's hard to
get back into them. And my desk is a mess. Every spare inch of
surface space is stacked with books and papers and notes and office
supplies and photos... I know what I must do.

Do any of you struggle with this, or am I in this boat by myself?

-Sonja

The Professional Says...

I've been neglecting my blog for other things lately, mainly life,
and the guilt is eating at me. But you won't hear me whine about it
here! I've got too much going on to waste some of it whining. So let me jump into what's going on over here in Olympia. I sent the first 48 pages of my baby--excuse me, my manuscript--off to a professional editor. Glad I put on my thick skin the morning his response showed up in my email in-box!

For those who've never asked a professional editor offer feedback on your writing, you are missing out. This man doesn't know me personally, and therefore had no reservations about speaking the truth regarding my writing skills and my story plot line. He offered praise when I deserved it, and tore apart everything that stunk. Unfortunately, there was plenty of stinkage in my manuscript (sigh). And while everything he said reflected exclusively on my work, the concepts he pointed out are valuable for any writer who desires to improve in the craft. So I'd like to share them with you and let you experience, for no money down, the wisdom of professional editor Jeff Gerke from Where the Map Ends and Marcher Lord Press. (BTW, Thank You Jeff, for your awesome evaluation! I know my next draft is tons better because of your comments.) So, without further ado, here are the major problems in my manuscript, as pointed out by Mr. Gerke:

#1. I broke the first rule of writing, in that I had a lot of TELLING as opposed to SHOWING. Silly me, I thought I'd mastered that skill, yet Mr. Gerke found not only sentences but entire paragraphs of pure telling. His advice: pretend I'm making a movie, and only write what
the camera can "see" and the microphone can "hear." That way, I'll
break free from the internal monologues, flashbacks, and outright
exposition. The reader will appreciate this, since he won't be sucked
out of the story to read some bit of history or ponder the inner
musings of an indecisive protagonist.

#2. I had too many unbelievable things happening in my plot, so much
so that the reader could no longer suspend his disbelief. In other
words, my story wasn't realistic. The protagonist did and said things
which should have netted a certain response from those around him,
and instead, I offered different consequences and responses that
weren't realistic. I've got to fix this immediately or the reader
won't want to read the next chapter. Or the second book of the series.

#3. My protagonist wasn't likable. In fact, Mr. Gerke called my
protagonist "an arrogant twit" and "despicable." Of all the comments,
this one hurt the most. My poor Alex, my beloved protagonist, is a
jerk? He's not sympathetic? He's not adorable? How could anyone NOT love him? But I re-read those 48 pages, trying to see Alex from Mr. Gerke's point of view, and he was dead on. Alex was pretty nasty. In my own defense, since no one's here to stop me from blathering on about it, I originally wrote Alex as an arrogant young man, knowing that I'd have him humbled and brought back to reality somewhere in the first three chapters. But I can't do that. The reader must love Alex, or at least sympathize with him, from the beginning, or they'll throw the book aside and reach for the tv remote long before they come to the place where Alex is an okay guy. And he does turn out to be a great guy, I've just got to show this from the beginning.

Mr. Gerke's evaluation went on for six more pages, tearing apart
words, sentences, even entire paragraphs, pointing out every mistake
I'd managed to put on paper. The three listed above were the biggest
no-no's I committed, but I've got plenty more to share with you. I'll
do so in my next blog entry. In the mean time, check out
WhereTheMapEnds.com, go to Tools For Writers, and click on the Tip of the Week. These pages contain a plethora of wisdom. I've read through them all at least four times, and I still learn something new every time I go back. Now if I could just get all that wisdom into my manuscript!

-Sonja

Maybe I Can Be A Winner!

Or maybe you can be a winner. Rachelle Gardner is hosting a contest
on her blog (cba-ramblings.blogspot.com). I just found it, and I'm
excited about entering. Actually, it's a two-parter, but the first
part is over. She had people compose the beginning sentence of a
novel, then she chose the top six. My favorite came in at #1: Things
were going along just fine until the miracle fouled up everything.

Now comes the fun part! Rachelle wants us to compose up to 300 words of this novel, using one of those six sentences she chose. (You can find them all on her blog, if you're curious about the other five.)
The deadline is April 2, so I'll have to get writing! The prize is so
tempting, I'm going to devote plenty of time to this project. Check
it out for yourself and submit your own entry!

-Sonja

Rejection Stinks

I just received word from a popular magazine. I worked hard on a short story, sent it off with the hopes of seeing it in print, then waited eight weeks (when I could have been sending it to other magazines). And my reward? This horrid feeling of rejection. They didn't want it. My work is unappreciated, or, dare I even think it, unpublishable.

But that's what the writing business is all about, isn't it? So I gave myself five minutes to silently grieve, then went through my list of short story markets and resubmitted my little baby to another magazine. I've learned that my skin has to be thicker than the foundation on my house. What's the alternative? Quit writing? Like that'll happen...

Writing is a tough business on the human psyche. When I worked as a budget analyst for the local police force, I didn't have to worry about my boss handing my reports back to me with a note that said it "just wasn't for him." But since I started writing, or more specifically, since I started sending out queries and proposals and cover letters, I've received hundreds of little slips of paper, all basically saying the same thing: they don't want my work.

But there's bound to be someone out there who DOES want my work, and I won't give up searching until we finally meet up. It's not fun. It's not particularly suspenseful or exciting. It's just necessary. And I'll do a fabulous victory dance when I finally hook up with the person or publisher who wants to take a chance on my work and put it in print. That's sure to cancel out all the frustration of rejections, and I can't wait for the day. I've been practicing my victory dance. My kids love it. I do, too, for what it's worth.

-Sonja

You'll Never Believe What I Saw!

My local library is a little bitty thing, stocking less than 8,000 books. Thankfully, it's part of  a bigger network, so I can go on-line and choose whatever book I want from their selection and it'll be delivered to my local branch. 

But I digress. A few days ago, I stood browsing the shelves in my little local library while my kids selected some books for themselves, and I saw something that made me pause and grin.

Let me offer a smidgeon of background first. In the far corner, the shelves are attached directly to the wall, molded perfectly to the ninety degree angle of said corner. On one side of this corner, general fiction and romance paperbacks are shelves, alphabetically, by the author's last name. On the other side of the corner are the sci-fi and mysteries. I'm attracted the the sci-fi/mystery shelves, constantly on the look-out for new and exciting stuff. I usually ignore the general fiction and romance because I assume there will be nothing there worth my time and attention. I'm not saying that it's all garbage, just that it doesn't appeal to me in the least. In fact, I'd usually rather read technical manuals than bury my nose in a romance. I don't mean to offend anyone, that's just me.

I have no clue why my eyes strayed from all that delicious sci-fi, but I found myself browsing the romance shelves. One cover caught my attention, so I (gasp) picked it up. I flipped it over, read the back, and grimaced in distaste, quickly re-shelving it before anyone saw me with a tacky romance novel in my hand. As I shelved the book, I happened to glance down at the bottom shelf. And a name caught my attention: Susan May Warren.

I stared at the name for several seconds before I realized that, not only did I recognize the name, I'd met the author in Dallas last September at the ACFW Conference. She's a Christian, a funny lady, and a romance writer. My brain fought with me for several seconds as I tried to figure out how Ms. Warren's book had ended up with all the other trashy romances, but I couldn't help but grin. Her book was face out, drawing attention away from the other stuff. The cover didn't have a scantily clad female or a bare-chested Hercules or a melting ice cream cone with a juicy cherry on top. It had a cheery coffee mug atop a stack of books or papers or something. It looked innocuous. It looked completely out of place. It stuck out like a hot pink flower in a sea of sand.

Truth be told, I can't remember the title of the book. I just felt an overwhelming sense of satisfaction and joy that a Christian book, a lovely jewel, sat amongst all the almost-porn and bodice-rippers. Way to go, Susan! It's one thing to know that my local library carries Christian fiction. But it's downright cool to see one sitting on the shelf, drawing attention away from the unreadable stuff. (FYI: I went on-line and found the book. It's called Happily Ever After.)

I probably should have checked the book out and given the romance genre a shot, but since I didn't, it's ready for someone else to grab. Maybe Ms. Warren will impact someone else's life with her morality-filled words. I pray it will be so. 

-Sonja 

Don't Wait! Read, Enjoy, and Comment Now!

I've posted two new short stories on my website. They both take place in the same universe as my novels, and I'm pleased with how they turned out. Feel free to take a peek--and let me know your opinion! Either post a comment here at the blog, or follow the email link on my website.

For what it's worth, I've hired the services of editor-guru Jeff Yoda Gerke to help me with the first three chapters of Servant of the Just (book 1) and I'll be sending out a new wave of queries after I've received Jeff's comments. I've also finished the first draft of Warrior of the Just (novel 3) and I'll be working on the polishing phase over the next month or two. Words have been pouring from me in the past two months, and that's a blessed-good thing.

-Sonja