You Can't Make This Stuff Up

I'm in the midst of writing a murder mystery, and my protagonist is
the Chief of a small town. My husband, who works for a sheriff's
department, is a tremendous help when it comes to research and
protocols. He's also pointed me to other web sites and blogs to find
the material I need. I just found this case on a blog and thought it
had to be shared. I'll keep all the necessary details to myself and
just tell the story:

One evening just before closing, a liquor store clerk noted a white
male enter the store. He selected a two liter bottle of coke and two
bottles of Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey. Then he fled without paying. The clerk gave chase. Not too far down the road, the suspect's pants slid down around his ankles, tripping him up. He dropped his merchandise. In his haste to get away from the clerk, he lost his shoes and pants, which the clerk recovered. The pants contained a wallet and a driver's license belonging to the suspect.

This sounds like a portion of a Janet Evanovich novel, but it
happened in real life. Sometimes the funniest stuff doesn't come from
the brain of an author, it comes from an Incident Report. I love
reading stuff like this!

-Sonja

A Little Bit Is Tastier Than A Lot

One of the writing forums I peruse had an interesting post today. A
new writer, tackling fantasy, wanted to know how to balance
description with plot. She wanted her writing to "read more like a
renaissance painting than a line drawing," but didn't want to bog the
reader down with long descriptive paragraphs. I love her analogy, and
sympathize with her plight. Fantasy stories, my own included, need to
have enough description for the reader to feel a part of that
"special" world. But too much description will bore the reader. And
we can't have bored readers! They'll transform into tv watchers, and
then who will buy our books?

I think the best way to get rich descriptions into the scene is to
bury them in the action. Set up the basics of the room when the
protagonist walks in. Then throughout the tension-filled
conversation, or the fast-paced battle, or the anxiety-inducing
actions of the mission, fill in the bits and pieces that make the
surroundings exquisite:

-The tapestries flutter when the hero is thrown against the wall.
- The warrior's got to watch his footing on the slick, rush-strewn
flagstone flooring as he parries another blow from the enemy's
diamond-encrusted sword.
- The Duchess sips sweet red wine from a bronze flagon as she tries
to catch the antagonist in a lie.
- Ashes erupt in a gray plume when the wizard tosses the ancient tome into the firebox, causing the king to sneeze.
- The chancellor lifts the purple silk pillow off the throne seat as
he looks for the missing whatsit, and the scent of lavender clings to
his fingertips.

The key is to not sandwich these descriptions together. Like
sprinkles on a birthday cake, you don't want them dumped in a pile.
But spread throughout the scene, these descriptions are sweet little
nuggets that add clarity, richness, and reality to the text. And that
keeps the reader turning pages instead of searching for the remote.

For what it's worth,

-Sonja

Words from an Expert

In April, I blogged about the evaluation Jeff Gerke performed on the
first 50 pages of my novel. For review, I covered the top three no-
no's in my manuscript: too much telling, unbelievable plot points,
and an unsympathetic protagonist. At the end of that post, I promised
to include more of Master Gerke's advice in a later post. This would
be it.

#4. I had too many redundancies: overuse of distinctive words,
descriptions of clothing, and the protagonist's immediate goals
seemed to jump off too many pages. Mr. Gerke said this is a simple
fix: ask a friend to read it and cross them all out. This one caught
my funny bone. I didn't realize I had pet words that I used over and
over again, but they stuck out horribly when I knew what to look for.

On a side note, another editor pointed out something interesting when
he read my prologue aloud to a room full of aspiring authors: I used
a word that he'd never heard before (that word being "detritus") and
he cautioned that using unfamiliar words will make a reader wary of
continuing. I have a hard time with this piece of advice. I like to use the word that fits best. I really meant "detritus" when I wrote
it, and finding a simpler word grates on me. So, do I use an eighth
grade vocabulary to make my manuscript appeal to the masses, or do I use the word I want to use and force the reader to pick up a
dictionary if he doesn't know the word? I haven't found an answer to
this question yet. Enlighten me, if you have an idea.

#5. I didn't use my protagonist's name often enough (it's written in
first person), and Mr. Gerke couldn't remember the protagonist's
name. Again, this was an easy fix: have other characters use Alex's
name in dialogue.

#6. My story has italics in the text, and Mr. Gerke found it
confusing. Granted, I didn't get to explain to him that all the text
in italics was either internal monologue or prayer. But I won't get
to explain that to the reader, either. Mr. Gerke's advice was to
eliminate the italics altogether. If the reader can't figure out
which bits are interior monologue, then I need to re-write those
portions. Likewise, prayers should be obvious. (Note: I had too much
interior monologue, and eliminating most of it helped the story a ton.)

#7. This next comment, I'll admit, shook me up a bunch. Mr. Gerke
said my protagonist's actions "don't feel like your typical male
warrior. They feel more like a woman's version of a male warrior." In
all fairness, I am a female writing a male protagonist in first
person. It's tough. But I've got an excellent research source: a
husband. I freely admit, I've asked him questions like this: "If you
were 18 years old and had to leave your aged parents, possibly
forever, how would you react?" My husband was extremely gracious to
answer all my questions (I asked a TON, so I could avoid the whole
female-writing-as-a-male problem), and I didn't hesitate to use his
answers in my text.

Here's the problem: some men react differently than other men to the
exact same circumstance. In my story, Alex cried for a moment or two
when he gave his elderly mother that final hug good-bye. I've seen
grown men cry before, and hug their mommas, and say "I love you."
It happens. Does it make them less manly? Probably not. On the other
hand, my protagonist isn't a liberated twenty-first century male.
He's living in a medieval society. Was it manly for warriors to cry
back then, when men didn't display a "weakness" like tears? Maybe.
Maybe not.

I genuinely respect Mr. Gerke's advice, but I think this is a problem
I cannot fix. Some readers will think that Alex's tears, at that
moment, were genuine and realistic and touching. Others will think it
too feminine for a Hulk-sized warrior and wonder why a female author
tried to write "male" in first person prose. I simply can't please
all the readers all the time. (In my own defense, I did not have Alex
cry when he was wounded in battle. That should count for something.)

#8. I had too much back-story, which ties in to the problem of too
much telling. Mr. Gerke's advice was to cut way back on these
"history lessons." The reader doesn't care. Back-story takes the
reader out of the story, which is exactly where the reader WANTS to
be, and if I tick the reader off too many times, he'll toss the book
aside and reach for the tv remote. Back-story is important to me,
because I've got to know character motivations and political
histories, etc, but the reader isn't interested in most of this. I
should only include those bits that are necessary for understanding
the plot, and leave the rest in my research notebook.

That's most of the wisdom I sucked out of the evaluation. It hurt
when I first read it (he tore my baby apart!) but after that initial
reaction, I realized the validity of every comment. And now that I've
implemented those fixes, my manuscript is much stronger. I owe a big
thank-you to Jeff Gerke from WhereTheMapEnds for his time and wise
words. Or maybe he'd appreciate my home-made cinnamon bread. I'm
pretty sure he enjoyed the cash I sent.

-Sonja

The Problem of Wealth

I knew I hadn't posted in awhile, but I didn't realize just HOW long
it'd been... a thousand pardons to my two loyal readers!

Actually, it's not just this blog that's been neglected. In the last
few months, I've only worked on my novel twice. They were highly
productive sessions, about two hours each, and I managed to finish
the work. Yippee for me. But I could have done so much more with my
time, and I find myself wondering: just what did I do in May, if I
didn't do any writing?

Laziness is an awesome excuse, but in reality, I've been working on
my house. Home improvement projects, cleaning projects, reduce-reuse- recycle projects, that sort of thing. There's just so much work to do and I'd rather poke at my eye with a dull pencil than clean, but it's
gotten out of hand. I keep wondering if all my sci-fi dreams will
come true: the house becomes sentient, shakes off all the grime and
clutter, and lumbers off into the sunset in search of more worthy
tenants.

My biggest problem is wealth. We're not rich - maybe middle class
fits us better. Captain Tech (aka "my husband") makes a good living
as a crime analyst, and we're spectacularly good at spending that
cash. On stuff. That doesn't have a place to live in our huge house
that's already stuffed. So it sits out on dustable surfaces or gets
stacked on the floor or shoved under the bed or crammed into a closet
or hung on the already-full walls... and I look at all this mess and
I don't want to dust it and I'm tired of tripping over it and it's
time to get rid of some of it.

I started in the kitchen, since I'm trying to remodel that room.
Contractors are coming in July to replace my countertops. And I
realized that I'd be embarrassed to have strangers see my messy,
cluttered house. So I got rid of extraneous dishes, appliances, and
fancy serving bowls I've never used. I scrubbed every surface I could
get to with a rag. I touched up the paint on the walls. I even moved
the refrigerator and cleaned behind it! And it felt so good to look
at my outdated kitchen and be proud that it was clean and well-
organized, even if it was 70's orange and dark brown. Truly hideous.
But orderly.

I've moved on to other rooms, de-cluttering and cleaning, but it's
going to be a LONG process, and I can't neglect my writing while I
take on other projects. I've got to find a compromise. I'm hoping to
set aside two hours a day for writing (I've heard that advice from
someone famous, I'm sure) so that I don't find myself in this
situation again. Being away from my novels for so long, it's hard to
get back into them. And my desk is a mess. Every spare inch of
surface space is stacked with books and papers and notes and office
supplies and photos... I know what I must do.

Do any of you struggle with this, or am I in this boat by myself?

-Sonja

The Professional Says...

I've been neglecting my blog for other things lately, mainly life,
and the guilt is eating at me. But you won't hear me whine about it
here! I've got too much going on to waste some of it whining. So let me jump into what's going on over here in Olympia. I sent the first 48 pages of my baby--excuse me, my manuscript--off to a professional editor. Glad I put on my thick skin the morning his response showed up in my email in-box!

For those who've never asked a professional editor offer feedback on your writing, you are missing out. This man doesn't know me personally, and therefore had no reservations about speaking the truth regarding my writing skills and my story plot line. He offered praise when I deserved it, and tore apart everything that stunk. Unfortunately, there was plenty of stinkage in my manuscript (sigh). And while everything he said reflected exclusively on my work, the concepts he pointed out are valuable for any writer who desires to improve in the craft. So I'd like to share them with you and let you experience, for no money down, the wisdom of professional editor Jeff Gerke from Where the Map Ends and Marcher Lord Press. (BTW, Thank You Jeff, for your awesome evaluation! I know my next draft is tons better because of your comments.) So, without further ado, here are the major problems in my manuscript, as pointed out by Mr. Gerke:

#1. I broke the first rule of writing, in that I had a lot of TELLING as opposed to SHOWING. Silly me, I thought I'd mastered that skill, yet Mr. Gerke found not only sentences but entire paragraphs of pure telling. His advice: pretend I'm making a movie, and only write what
the camera can "see" and the microphone can "hear." That way, I'll
break free from the internal monologues, flashbacks, and outright
exposition. The reader will appreciate this, since he won't be sucked
out of the story to read some bit of history or ponder the inner
musings of an indecisive protagonist.

#2. I had too many unbelievable things happening in my plot, so much
so that the reader could no longer suspend his disbelief. In other
words, my story wasn't realistic. The protagonist did and said things
which should have netted a certain response from those around him,
and instead, I offered different consequences and responses that
weren't realistic. I've got to fix this immediately or the reader
won't want to read the next chapter. Or the second book of the series.

#3. My protagonist wasn't likable. In fact, Mr. Gerke called my
protagonist "an arrogant twit" and "despicable." Of all the comments,
this one hurt the most. My poor Alex, my beloved protagonist, is a
jerk? He's not sympathetic? He's not adorable? How could anyone NOT love him? But I re-read those 48 pages, trying to see Alex from Mr. Gerke's point of view, and he was dead on. Alex was pretty nasty. In my own defense, since no one's here to stop me from blathering on about it, I originally wrote Alex as an arrogant young man, knowing that I'd have him humbled and brought back to reality somewhere in the first three chapters. But I can't do that. The reader must love Alex, or at least sympathize with him, from the beginning, or they'll throw the book aside and reach for the tv remote long before they come to the place where Alex is an okay guy. And he does turn out to be a great guy, I've just got to show this from the beginning.

Mr. Gerke's evaluation went on for six more pages, tearing apart
words, sentences, even entire paragraphs, pointing out every mistake
I'd managed to put on paper. The three listed above were the biggest
no-no's I committed, but I've got plenty more to share with you. I'll
do so in my next blog entry. In the mean time, check out
WhereTheMapEnds.com, go to Tools For Writers, and click on the Tip of the Week. These pages contain a plethora of wisdom. I've read through them all at least four times, and I still learn something new every time I go back. Now if I could just get all that wisdom into my manuscript!

-Sonja

Maybe I Can Be A Winner!

Or maybe you can be a winner. Rachelle Gardner is hosting a contest
on her blog (cba-ramblings.blogspot.com). I just found it, and I'm
excited about entering. Actually, it's a two-parter, but the first
part is over. She had people compose the beginning sentence of a
novel, then she chose the top six. My favorite came in at #1: Things
were going along just fine until the miracle fouled up everything.

Now comes the fun part! Rachelle wants us to compose up to 300 words of this novel, using one of those six sentences she chose. (You can find them all on her blog, if you're curious about the other five.)
The deadline is April 2, so I'll have to get writing! The prize is so
tempting, I'm going to devote plenty of time to this project. Check
it out for yourself and submit your own entry!

-Sonja

Rejection Stinks

I just received word from a popular magazine. I worked hard on a short story, sent it off with the hopes of seeing it in print, then waited eight weeks (when I could have been sending it to other magazines). And my reward? This horrid feeling of rejection. They didn't want it. My work is unappreciated, or, dare I even think it, unpublishable.

But that's what the writing business is all about, isn't it? So I gave myself five minutes to silently grieve, then went through my list of short story markets and resubmitted my little baby to another magazine. I've learned that my skin has to be thicker than the foundation on my house. What's the alternative? Quit writing? Like that'll happen...

Writing is a tough business on the human psyche. When I worked as a budget analyst for the local police force, I didn't have to worry about my boss handing my reports back to me with a note that said it "just wasn't for him." But since I started writing, or more specifically, since I started sending out queries and proposals and cover letters, I've received hundreds of little slips of paper, all basically saying the same thing: they don't want my work.

But there's bound to be someone out there who DOES want my work, and I won't give up searching until we finally meet up. It's not fun. It's not particularly suspenseful or exciting. It's just necessary. And I'll do a fabulous victory dance when I finally hook up with the person or publisher who wants to take a chance on my work and put it in print. That's sure to cancel out all the frustration of rejections, and I can't wait for the day. I've been practicing my victory dance. My kids love it. I do, too, for what it's worth.

-Sonja