Who Likes Mildred and Bill?

In thinking about that last post, I left something out. I like the character names I chose to mean something. For instance, in my first novel, the protagonist is a warrior searching for justice in a kingdom ruled by corrupt men. My protagonist would be a defender, a guy who stands up for the truth, even if it costs his head. When searching for a name, I found that "Alexander" means "defender of man." It fit perfect. I named my character "Alex." It worked much better than Luke ("luminous") or Owen ("well born") or Brian ("noble").

I like my method, but it doesn't always work. For example, if my story were set in ancient Ireland, I'd have to choose all Irish names. It would be really out of place to find a Swahili name in the story. Also, I have to avoid the whole rhyming thing (I found myself naming three people Zane, Thane, and Shane. Two of them had to be changed) and the alliteration thing (Aaron, Abel, Abram, and Aaron).

I find names fascinating, so naming my characters is a really fun and important part of the process. Choosing the wrong name can kill the story. Can you see Scarlett O'Hara with the name Mildred? Or Frodo Baggins with the name Bill? I can't picture my Alex with any other name.

-Sonja

The Problem with Adam and Aaron

I recently checked out a book from the library. I've met the author
and think of myself as a "special" fan of his, since he signed my
book and talked to me at dinner one night (but I don't want to
embarrass him, or me, so he'll remain anonymous), and I couldn't wait for my local library to get a copy of the book for me.

Then it came. I opened it. I read chapter one. Then I put it down and
went to sleep. The next night, I picked it up and read chapters two
and three. And put it down. (Side note: I'm the type of person who'll read a book straight through and skip sleeping entirely, EVEN if the next day is the most important day of my life. If the book is excellent, I won't put it down.)

But I found this book at the bottom of the "to be read" pile. I
managed to read seven or eight other books before I picked it up again and read the next two chapters. Then I put it down and read
something else. I even took it on vacation with me and never opened it once. I had to ask the library if I could keep the book for
another three weeks. At this moment in time, the book mark is between chapters eleven and twelve. (Another side note: I NEVER stop mid- chapter.)

I finally had to ask: what is it about this book that I can't seem to finish it? I love the author (and his previous works). I'm interested in the premise of the book. The plot goes at a pretty good clip. I want to know what happens to the protagonist. So why can't I finish it?

After a ton of analysis, I figured it out. Several of the characters had foreign names that I found difficult to pronounce. Usually, this wouldn't stop me at all. But to make things worse, at least four of them all started with the letter A. I found myself not remembering who these men were. Were they bad guys or good guys? Was one of them a traitor? Or were they all helping the protagonist? For the life of me, I could not keep them separate.

It frustrated me to the point that the story started to not make sense. Why did Adam (names changed to protect the innocent) make this comment to Aaron? And what was Abel doing while Abram talked on the phone to Adam? Did Abram know that Adam tinkered with the brakes? Is Abel in on it with Adam? Or is Adam a good guy who's just acting like a bad guy to learn the truth? Arggh! I can't even keep this example straight, and I'm the one who made it up. I also found that it doesn't do any good to give Adam a beard, make Abel blond, and show Abram walking with a limp. It's the names that tripped me up.

There's a lesson in here for us authors: make the character names different enough so the reader can keep them straight. It might be cute, in real life, to name the triplets Janie, Jenny, and Jodie, but
in a novel, these three ladies must be wholly unique people with completely different names. It's not just a matter of the names all beginning with the same letter. Rhyming names are out (Lori, Dori, and Kori) as are first name/last name similarities (Stephen Schwartz, Jeffrey Stephenson, and Robbie Stevens). This also crosses the gender lines. The hero/heroine pair shouldn't be named Katie and Kelly, or Jody and Jamie (which is male, which is female?), or even Adam and Amanda. To make the reading as easy as possible for the reader, we authors need to choose names that are easy to remember, easy to pronounce, and different from every other character. I like ethnic names, and there's a place for specialty names like Seamus, or Ahmad, or Giulio. But most of the names in our stories should be distinct. I won't dare say common. But we should make life as easy for our readers as possible.

-Sonja

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

I'm in the midst of writing a murder mystery, and my protagonist is
the Chief of a small town. My husband, who works for a sheriff's
department, is a tremendous help when it comes to research and
protocols. He's also pointed me to other web sites and blogs to find
the material I need. I just found this case on a blog and thought it
had to be shared. I'll keep all the necessary details to myself and
just tell the story:

One evening just before closing, a liquor store clerk noted a white
male enter the store. He selected a two liter bottle of coke and two
bottles of Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey. Then he fled without paying. The clerk gave chase. Not too far down the road, the suspect's pants slid down around his ankles, tripping him up. He dropped his merchandise. In his haste to get away from the clerk, he lost his shoes and pants, which the clerk recovered. The pants contained a wallet and a driver's license belonging to the suspect.

This sounds like a portion of a Janet Evanovich novel, but it
happened in real life. Sometimes the funniest stuff doesn't come from
the brain of an author, it comes from an Incident Report. I love
reading stuff like this!

-Sonja

A Little Bit Is Tastier Than A Lot

One of the writing forums I peruse had an interesting post today. A
new writer, tackling fantasy, wanted to know how to balance
description with plot. She wanted her writing to "read more like a
renaissance painting than a line drawing," but didn't want to bog the
reader down with long descriptive paragraphs. I love her analogy, and
sympathize with her plight. Fantasy stories, my own included, need to
have enough description for the reader to feel a part of that
"special" world. But too much description will bore the reader. And
we can't have bored readers! They'll transform into tv watchers, and
then who will buy our books?

I think the best way to get rich descriptions into the scene is to
bury them in the action. Set up the basics of the room when the
protagonist walks in. Then throughout the tension-filled
conversation, or the fast-paced battle, or the anxiety-inducing
actions of the mission, fill in the bits and pieces that make the
surroundings exquisite:

-The tapestries flutter when the hero is thrown against the wall.
- The warrior's got to watch his footing on the slick, rush-strewn
flagstone flooring as he parries another blow from the enemy's
diamond-encrusted sword.
- The Duchess sips sweet red wine from a bronze flagon as she tries
to catch the antagonist in a lie.
- Ashes erupt in a gray plume when the wizard tosses the ancient tome into the firebox, causing the king to sneeze.
- The chancellor lifts the purple silk pillow off the throne seat as
he looks for the missing whatsit, and the scent of lavender clings to
his fingertips.

The key is to not sandwich these descriptions together. Like
sprinkles on a birthday cake, you don't want them dumped in a pile.
But spread throughout the scene, these descriptions are sweet little
nuggets that add clarity, richness, and reality to the text. And that
keeps the reader turning pages instead of searching for the remote.

For what it's worth,

-Sonja

Words from an Expert

In April, I blogged about the evaluation Jeff Gerke performed on the
first 50 pages of my novel. For review, I covered the top three no-
no's in my manuscript: too much telling, unbelievable plot points,
and an unsympathetic protagonist. At the end of that post, I promised
to include more of Master Gerke's advice in a later post. This would
be it.

#4. I had too many redundancies: overuse of distinctive words,
descriptions of clothing, and the protagonist's immediate goals
seemed to jump off too many pages. Mr. Gerke said this is a simple
fix: ask a friend to read it and cross them all out. This one caught
my funny bone. I didn't realize I had pet words that I used over and
over again, but they stuck out horribly when I knew what to look for.

On a side note, another editor pointed out something interesting when
he read my prologue aloud to a room full of aspiring authors: I used
a word that he'd never heard before (that word being "detritus") and
he cautioned that using unfamiliar words will make a reader wary of
continuing. I have a hard time with this piece of advice. I like to use the word that fits best. I really meant "detritus" when I wrote
it, and finding a simpler word grates on me. So, do I use an eighth
grade vocabulary to make my manuscript appeal to the masses, or do I use the word I want to use and force the reader to pick up a
dictionary if he doesn't know the word? I haven't found an answer to
this question yet. Enlighten me, if you have an idea.

#5. I didn't use my protagonist's name often enough (it's written in
first person), and Mr. Gerke couldn't remember the protagonist's
name. Again, this was an easy fix: have other characters use Alex's
name in dialogue.

#6. My story has italics in the text, and Mr. Gerke found it
confusing. Granted, I didn't get to explain to him that all the text
in italics was either internal monologue or prayer. But I won't get
to explain that to the reader, either. Mr. Gerke's advice was to
eliminate the italics altogether. If the reader can't figure out
which bits are interior monologue, then I need to re-write those
portions. Likewise, prayers should be obvious. (Note: I had too much
interior monologue, and eliminating most of it helped the story a ton.)

#7. This next comment, I'll admit, shook me up a bunch. Mr. Gerke
said my protagonist's actions "don't feel like your typical male
warrior. They feel more like a woman's version of a male warrior." In
all fairness, I am a female writing a male protagonist in first
person. It's tough. But I've got an excellent research source: a
husband. I freely admit, I've asked him questions like this: "If you
were 18 years old and had to leave your aged parents, possibly
forever, how would you react?" My husband was extremely gracious to
answer all my questions (I asked a TON, so I could avoid the whole
female-writing-as-a-male problem), and I didn't hesitate to use his
answers in my text.

Here's the problem: some men react differently than other men to the
exact same circumstance. In my story, Alex cried for a moment or two
when he gave his elderly mother that final hug good-bye. I've seen
grown men cry before, and hug their mommas, and say "I love you."
It happens. Does it make them less manly? Probably not. On the other
hand, my protagonist isn't a liberated twenty-first century male.
He's living in a medieval society. Was it manly for warriors to cry
back then, when men didn't display a "weakness" like tears? Maybe.
Maybe not.

I genuinely respect Mr. Gerke's advice, but I think this is a problem
I cannot fix. Some readers will think that Alex's tears, at that
moment, were genuine and realistic and touching. Others will think it
too feminine for a Hulk-sized warrior and wonder why a female author
tried to write "male" in first person prose. I simply can't please
all the readers all the time. (In my own defense, I did not have Alex
cry when he was wounded in battle. That should count for something.)

#8. I had too much back-story, which ties in to the problem of too
much telling. Mr. Gerke's advice was to cut way back on these
"history lessons." The reader doesn't care. Back-story takes the
reader out of the story, which is exactly where the reader WANTS to
be, and if I tick the reader off too many times, he'll toss the book
aside and reach for the tv remote. Back-story is important to me,
because I've got to know character motivations and political
histories, etc, but the reader isn't interested in most of this. I
should only include those bits that are necessary for understanding
the plot, and leave the rest in my research notebook.

That's most of the wisdom I sucked out of the evaluation. It hurt
when I first read it (he tore my baby apart!) but after that initial
reaction, I realized the validity of every comment. And now that I've
implemented those fixes, my manuscript is much stronger. I owe a big
thank-you to Jeff Gerke from WhereTheMapEnds for his time and wise
words. Or maybe he'd appreciate my home-made cinnamon bread. I'm
pretty sure he enjoyed the cash I sent.

-Sonja

The Problem of Wealth

I knew I hadn't posted in awhile, but I didn't realize just HOW long
it'd been... a thousand pardons to my two loyal readers!

Actually, it's not just this blog that's been neglected. In the last
few months, I've only worked on my novel twice. They were highly
productive sessions, about two hours each, and I managed to finish
the work. Yippee for me. But I could have done so much more with my
time, and I find myself wondering: just what did I do in May, if I
didn't do any writing?

Laziness is an awesome excuse, but in reality, I've been working on
my house. Home improvement projects, cleaning projects, reduce-reuse- recycle projects, that sort of thing. There's just so much work to do and I'd rather poke at my eye with a dull pencil than clean, but it's
gotten out of hand. I keep wondering if all my sci-fi dreams will
come true: the house becomes sentient, shakes off all the grime and
clutter, and lumbers off into the sunset in search of more worthy
tenants.

My biggest problem is wealth. We're not rich - maybe middle class
fits us better. Captain Tech (aka "my husband") makes a good living
as a crime analyst, and we're spectacularly good at spending that
cash. On stuff. That doesn't have a place to live in our huge house
that's already stuffed. So it sits out on dustable surfaces or gets
stacked on the floor or shoved under the bed or crammed into a closet
or hung on the already-full walls... and I look at all this mess and
I don't want to dust it and I'm tired of tripping over it and it's
time to get rid of some of it.

I started in the kitchen, since I'm trying to remodel that room.
Contractors are coming in July to replace my countertops. And I
realized that I'd be embarrassed to have strangers see my messy,
cluttered house. So I got rid of extraneous dishes, appliances, and
fancy serving bowls I've never used. I scrubbed every surface I could
get to with a rag. I touched up the paint on the walls. I even moved
the refrigerator and cleaned behind it! And it felt so good to look
at my outdated kitchen and be proud that it was clean and well-
organized, even if it was 70's orange and dark brown. Truly hideous.
But orderly.

I've moved on to other rooms, de-cluttering and cleaning, but it's
going to be a LONG process, and I can't neglect my writing while I
take on other projects. I've got to find a compromise. I'm hoping to
set aside two hours a day for writing (I've heard that advice from
someone famous, I'm sure) so that I don't find myself in this
situation again. Being away from my novels for so long, it's hard to
get back into them. And my desk is a mess. Every spare inch of
surface space is stacked with books and papers and notes and office
supplies and photos... I know what I must do.

Do any of you struggle with this, or am I in this boat by myself?

-Sonja

The Professional Says...

I've been neglecting my blog for other things lately, mainly life,
and the guilt is eating at me. But you won't hear me whine about it
here! I've got too much going on to waste some of it whining. So let me jump into what's going on over here in Olympia. I sent the first 48 pages of my baby--excuse me, my manuscript--off to a professional editor. Glad I put on my thick skin the morning his response showed up in my email in-box!

For those who've never asked a professional editor offer feedback on your writing, you are missing out. This man doesn't know me personally, and therefore had no reservations about speaking the truth regarding my writing skills and my story plot line. He offered praise when I deserved it, and tore apart everything that stunk. Unfortunately, there was plenty of stinkage in my manuscript (sigh). And while everything he said reflected exclusively on my work, the concepts he pointed out are valuable for any writer who desires to improve in the craft. So I'd like to share them with you and let you experience, for no money down, the wisdom of professional editor Jeff Gerke from Where the Map Ends and Marcher Lord Press. (BTW, Thank You Jeff, for your awesome evaluation! I know my next draft is tons better because of your comments.) So, without further ado, here are the major problems in my manuscript, as pointed out by Mr. Gerke:

#1. I broke the first rule of writing, in that I had a lot of TELLING as opposed to SHOWING. Silly me, I thought I'd mastered that skill, yet Mr. Gerke found not only sentences but entire paragraphs of pure telling. His advice: pretend I'm making a movie, and only write what
the camera can "see" and the microphone can "hear." That way, I'll
break free from the internal monologues, flashbacks, and outright
exposition. The reader will appreciate this, since he won't be sucked
out of the story to read some bit of history or ponder the inner
musings of an indecisive protagonist.

#2. I had too many unbelievable things happening in my plot, so much
so that the reader could no longer suspend his disbelief. In other
words, my story wasn't realistic. The protagonist did and said things
which should have netted a certain response from those around him,
and instead, I offered different consequences and responses that
weren't realistic. I've got to fix this immediately or the reader
won't want to read the next chapter. Or the second book of the series.

#3. My protagonist wasn't likable. In fact, Mr. Gerke called my
protagonist "an arrogant twit" and "despicable." Of all the comments,
this one hurt the most. My poor Alex, my beloved protagonist, is a
jerk? He's not sympathetic? He's not adorable? How could anyone NOT love him? But I re-read those 48 pages, trying to see Alex from Mr. Gerke's point of view, and he was dead on. Alex was pretty nasty. In my own defense, since no one's here to stop me from blathering on about it, I originally wrote Alex as an arrogant young man, knowing that I'd have him humbled and brought back to reality somewhere in the first three chapters. But I can't do that. The reader must love Alex, or at least sympathize with him, from the beginning, or they'll throw the book aside and reach for the tv remote long before they come to the place where Alex is an okay guy. And he does turn out to be a great guy, I've just got to show this from the beginning.

Mr. Gerke's evaluation went on for six more pages, tearing apart
words, sentences, even entire paragraphs, pointing out every mistake
I'd managed to put on paper. The three listed above were the biggest
no-no's I committed, but I've got plenty more to share with you. I'll
do so in my next blog entry. In the mean time, check out
WhereTheMapEnds.com, go to Tools For Writers, and click on the Tip of the Week. These pages contain a plethora of wisdom. I've read through them all at least four times, and I still learn something new every time I go back. Now if I could just get all that wisdom into my manuscript!

-Sonja